Stars In The Darkest Nights
by dove tree
Summary: All she needs is someone to hold out their hand  to lead her back onto the right path. But is she willing to accept the kind smile the person has to offer? Warning: This story does have a darker theme... FijixOc?...
1. Sirius

Stars in the darkest nights.

The story will have a slightly darker theme, and I dedicate this to all those who struggle with self-injury, that one day they will overcome it.

Author's note: Sorry if the plot seems a bit slow, and that you probably won't see the seigaku tennis team till a bit later! (It may seem like I've got a lot of OC's, but they're not very important, so you don't need to remember them much etc…)

Akira pushed the thin blade into her forearm, and a pleasing type of pain crawled up her arm. Letting a small nervous smile grace her face, she proceeded to draw more red marks on her skin, she was used to this. Somehow, she just couldn't stop herself, and a drop of red blood slithered to her elbow. It made her happy, calm and in control. Before she was angry but now, all the solutions came together. She had gotten a fight with her brother, who had blamed her for her mother's sickness. It was a stomach bug, but Akio had somehow come to conclusion that it was her fault. They had argued in angry whispers while trying to not wake their mother who lay sleeping. She hated the way her family members always blamed everything on her. Akio, they're parent's obedient precious baby. While Akira was born with a strong will, and a sense to stand up for what she believed in, thus leading to multiple fights with her parents. Akira breathed in and out, endorphins dancing trough her kneeled body on the cold tiles of the bathroom. Suddenly she heard her brother close the TV, and panic filled her. If her brother find out, she didn't want to face the fight that would happen. Akio was daddy and mummy's little boy, even though he was older than her by 2 years, he would persuade them to lock her up. He enjoyed the parties, and the freedom in life, just because he was a boy. Her parents were slightly biased, but that didn't mean that they didn't love her. They loved her too much, and wrapped her up in bubble wrap. Shoving her hand roughly under the tap, and turned on the shower so her brother wouldn't disturb. After removing all the evidence of what she had done, checking for no red spots on the white tiles and cleaning the knife, she turned the shower off. Akira slipped on a baggy jumper to hide the scars and stepped outside. Quickly thinking of an excuse/story-a process she was too familiar with.

"Hey, I didn't know you took a shower?" asked her brother, the previous argument forgotten.

"Huh, oh yeah, P.E was tough. 20 minutes of military style running, I tripped, and feel in something very suspiciously like a sandwich…making me smell funny…" lied Akira smoothly. Her brother laughed, and answered with a good natured "Shame…" 'All too easy to change the subject' thought Akira.

"You want me to call Dad to get something on the way home…Sushi's okay?" asked Akio, scrolling his phone contacts to find the number.

"Yeah, sure no probs, and while you're at it get a new ringtone…Justin bieber doesn't suit you. I've got homework. Call me when the food's ready, 'kay?" answered Akira in slight cold tone that went unidentified by her brother, and walked to her room.

That night Akira lay on her bed wide wake staring at the newly formed scars. A dressing that she had used to hide the scars laid on the desk. The night was pitch black and she could see the stars shining. Living away from the huge lights of Tokyo had its perks too. Rather, she lived in a modest home near seigaku. She knew that she had to stop cutting herself, it wasn't healthy. Thinking back to the words the principal had said at the beginning of the year assembly…" and we have many discreet and helpful counselling services available in this school. You can choose from either seeing a trained professional or a fellow school mate that have been trained by…" The words "A fellow schoolmate" echoed through her head. She wanted to speak to someone her own age, that wouldn't think she was loony, but understood what was happening.

Let me tell you a bit about Akira. She wasn't from a broken family, nor did she have a tragic past. She just like every one of us, struggling with the challenges life throws at us. I hope you don't stereotype her as an emo or something like that. She's not insane, she just different. Surprisingly she's the most cheerful person at school. Helpful and bubbly. But all that is a mask. At home she can be quite evil (good evil!) and sarcastic. She struggle silently though, crying to her is a form of weakness. Her friends lean on her for support, and who is she to lean onto? Yes tomorrow, she's going to see a student counsellor. Self-injury, she's been doing since she was 10. Akira is now 14, a third year at Seigaku.

THE NEXT DAY

Akira woke up very early, and creped through the house. Leaving a note on the kitchen table, she made up a lie that there was an extra early morning maths lesson she might attend. Arriving at school, she saw that the slips for counselling session were on the receptionist's desk. Luckily the office was very empty. Quietly, she filled out the form and dropped it into the blue box sitting next to it.

Walking out the door, she was immediately greeted by a few of the first year students she affectionately named mini-mes.

"Hey, Akira-senpai! You're early to school today." Greeted Emi, a girl who she'd helped on the first day of school. Emi's friends smiled and greeted her as well.

"Well, I can't believe I've missed out on so many beautiful mornings just by sleeping in!" answered Akira.

"Maybe you're still sleeping right now, senpai!" commented one of Emi's friends.

"Whoa, it's like that movie inception…a dream with in a dream…" replied Akira thoughtfully, imitating a philosopher. A few chuckles ran around the group.

"Crap, I'm in fucking deep shit!" a scream ran out across the school ground, and Akira immediately felt herself being dragged towards the classroom. She and her kidnaper meeted the classroom with a bang.

"Ow, what is your problem Kouta-san" Akira chuckled as he pulled her up. She was on pretty good terms with about everyone she knew. Practically, if you had problem, run straight to Akira.

"The Japanese homework is due in today, not tomorrow. I'm screwed." Kouta said all in one breath.

"Hah, coincidence much, I'm screwed too," sighed Akira, but her mood changed back to her usual carefreeness "Detention buddies, high five!" Akira lifted up her hand, causing Kouta to look at Akira as if she had just announced that she wanted read an algebra book in her spare time.

"NO, not high five, we need to finish this homework! I'm not a genius like you!" Kouta shook Akira as he said this.

"Don't worry, everything will turn out fine, it always does!" smiled Akira as she said this. Getting out her Japanese book, she hurriedly started writing for five minutes straight.

"Okey dokey, I'm done what about you?" declared Akira, lifting up her arms up to stretch. Kouta froze, he had just experienced the top student in writing essays and stories finish something of such good quality on the morning it was due in.

"What's wrong? This is how I do all of my homework, and guess what? In class, for the first half of Japanese literature class I'm actually sleeping! Then I rush it all in the last few minutes! I work well under pressure" commented Akira, like as if she was talking about the weather.

"Leaving things to the last minute again kiki?" Her friend walked in through the door.

"Yep!" Akira did a cheesy thumb up sign. Sumiko sighed, it was too typical of her good friend. She walked near Kouta and poked him. "Umm, kiki, I'm gonna kill you if you hurt my boyfriend. He seems dead." Kouta soul came back to him and looked at his girlfriend blankly. Akira knelt on the ground and said in a dramatic voice

"Oh how your painful words seared into the love of your life. Now, you relationship is doomed.." Sumiko glared at her. "hmm, maybe you need to attend marriage counselling, cause…" Akira trailed nervously off; maybe she crossed the line this time. "you know I was only joking…a genius's mind must always be exercised…DON'T KILL ME"

At that moment Fuji walked in through the class room door and the scene confused him. Well the reason didn't. Once again Akira had teased Sumiko about her relationship with Kouta. He had to congratulate Akira sometimes; she knew exactly how to tease someone about a relationship. But this was the first time he saw Sumiko hold a pair of scissors above the kneeling Akira. Interesting…for a sadist that he is. But the fun stopped when Sumiko lowered the scissors slowly.

"hmm, Akira I forgive you for now, but please note that I will tease you **mercilessly** when you find a boyfriend."

"There a higher chance of…uh…" Akira scanned the room quickly to find an unsuspecting person, and landed on Tezuka who walked through the door just then "of Tezuka ditching tennis practise to spend the day with his girlfriend ,if he has one, than me being in a relationship…cause I'm going to remain single throughout high school, yeah!" The said captain looked at her blankly and walked over to tell Fuji that they were having a tennis practise in the weekend. After he left for his own class, Fuji chuckled, well, tennis this afternoon for Tezuka is about to turn even more hellish with plenty of help from him.

"All the single ladies, all the single ladies…" Akira started singing, making her way to where she sat. But actually, she was nervous about the counselling session. Would the person laugh at her, or call her a freak? She turned her attention to the teacher who stood at the front of the room.

"mizumura could you come here for a moment?" Tanaka sensei called out to Akira over the noisy class( the bell hadn't rung yet)

"Am I in trouble sensei cause you don't like Beyoncé's Single ladies song?" asked Akira

"no, come here got a notice for you." Replied Tanka sensei, who didn't have a really good sense of humour.

Akira walked over it and recognized it as maki sensei's handwriting. (Her public speaking teacher who was also in charge of counselling for the school) Opening it she read the neat writing

"Your counselling session is with a student at 11 P.M"

"So what is it about?" asked Tanaka sensei, who was shuffling her papers to prepare for the class.

"Oh, Maki sensei probably just wants to talk to me about the upcoming speech competition. I'm going at 11 o'clock, is that okay?" half-lied Akira, which Tanka sensei completely brought, and nodded her head in response. Akira walked back cheerfully, but really in her mind it was filled with anxiety. She was quite scared. What if they tell the school? No, they probably had 'patient' confidentiality laws…but…

At 10:30, akira watched the second hand on the clock tick slowly well you guessed it, clock wise. Tick, tock, tick, tock. She couldn't seem to focus, and nothing came running out from her pencil. What lay below the pencil was a bunch of crossed out of maths equations, and a few stick people along the borders. Maths wasn't her thing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fuji stand up and nod at the teacher. Tanaka-sensei dismissed him with a wave of her hand, and quietly disappeared through the door. He would be gone every Monday at 10:30, but Akira had never dwelled much on the fact. He never talked about it, and she respected his privacy.

Akira closed her eyes gently, her thoughts all over the place. A voice in her head chanted the same question over and over again. "Are you sure?". Deep in her thoughts she thought about her life. She was famous for being the most happiest and carefree person in the school. A bit on the nerdy side, but every one accepted her for who she was (Or who they thought she was). Her parents were head librarians, hence her being a prodigy in literature. Akira's childhood was spent amongst books, books, and more books. Another one of her talents was public speaking. Her speeches were famous all around the school. Akira had an ability to captivate the audience with her words. According to her classmates, when they heard her speak, they felt as if they were speaking one on one with her. She had a gift.

Akira was not Miss Popularity. She was more of the all-round good friend. The guys in her school generally don't see her more than a friend. Akira was glad of this, because she wasn't really interested in relationships. Yes she's a girl and a human being, she feels love. But always, there is voice that tells her that relationships never last long when your fourteen…suddenly her pencil dropped to the ground, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Picking up the fallen pencil, she glanced at the clock. 10:45. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tanaka Sensei marking some tests. Thinking that she probably won't even realise, Akira stood up quietly and headed for the door. Someone whispered "Hey, Akira, can I ditch class with you?". Recognizing the voice as the class clown Hisakawa, Akira whispered back mysteriously "What if I'm not ditching?"

Scoffing Hisakawa replied "What, you need to go take a piss in the middle of maths class?"

"Actually, I'm gonna go to your house and blow it up. I know where you live 'cause I've been watching you…" joked Akira smiling.

Grining back Hisakawa muttered "Stalker…"

HIsakawa loved to tease people and joked around. He had the honourable title of the class clown. At the beginning of the year, he and Akira hated each other. Probably because he felt threatened that she was going to take the position of the class clown off him. But they each respect each now as Partners in crime (well, teasing people anyways) All it took was one small argument…

(Flash back) beginning of the year

Laughter roared around Akira, as she recounted the time she stood on the side of the road, pointing a hairdryer at the cars.

"Yo, Akira, you suck" shouted Hisakawa, with a challenging smile on his face. He wanted to see how good the girl really was.

Smiling back she shouted "Your Mum sucks." Silence filled the room, as the students waited in anticipation as to Kisakawa's come back. He was pretty fast on jokes and insults. Fuji watched in amusement while Eiji was nervously looking from Akira to Hisakawa.

"Your face sucks" stated HIsakawa, all trace of joking gone from his face. But actually inside, he was still testing Akira. You see, he didn't like hard out bullys; he preferred a friend who could protect themselves. They needed to know when the line of teasing someone turns nasty. Akira on the other hand realised how good of an actor Hisakawa was. She almost fell for his seriousness for a moment. "Your mum's face sucks more…" said Akira uncertainly. A smile broke across Hisakawa's face, and he punched Akira lightly on the arm as he walked over to her. Draping his arm across the confused Girl's shoulder he declared to the waiting class "Meet my new partner in crime. You guys are gonna experience hell this year!" He ruffled Akira's olive green hair.

"hmm. But also a lot of laughter! You can choose to laugh with us, or to be laughed at. Scratch that, were not giving you a choice." Akira added, her dark gold eyes scanned the room, grinning. The class smiled, they hated and love the class clown at the same time.

Flash back ends.

Akira walked numbly to the room where the counselling was held. Her legs carried her forward but her mind was in full panic mode. "Turn back now! This is a secret you've kept for four years, You're disgusting, hurting yourself." She was ashamed of what she did, but was it enough for her to reach out for help? Looking at her watch it said 11:05. Putting her sweaty hands on the handle of the door she opened it nervously. Her heart leaped when she saw who it was. Time stopped. "No way" came the empty voice in her head.

Author's note:  
>So, how do like it? I'm not abandoning my other stories just stuck on Writer's block. I'll be looking at re-writing when the Matchmakers fell in love, as my OC has a serious case of Mary-sueism. Hope you review Stars in the Darkest nights.<p> 


	2. Canopus

Stars in the darkest nights

Author's note: Hello to all my readers. I'd like to thank everyone who have reviewed, alerted and favourite and read my story. Thank Brightorange, PurePrincess, and Chillybean. You make me happy *does happy dance* Lets start chapter 2! I hope fuji isn't too OOC.

Akira POV

"Oh crap" were the only thoughts in my head. There he sat, the oh so perfect person he was. What the hell was he doing here? Surrounded by his perfect life, he can't help me. Doing some breathing exercises Maki sensei had taught me I breath in out in out…right now I was seriously considering running away. But that was when he lifted up his head to look at me.

"Oh, hello Akira-san, are you in wrong room?" came his soft confused voice.

"Fuji-san, is this your dark secret? You take counselling?" I joked, quickly trying to drag the attention away from myself. I grinned. "Damm, don't let him see your weakness" went my inner voice. I calmly looked at him. Let me tell you something, no one in this school has ever seen me nervous or angry. Some have seen me sad, and everyone has seen me happy, hyper, or running away from someone I've teased.

"Lovely talking to you Fuji-san. I better leave in case the student you're the counsellor to comes…" I proceeded to walk out that door. I'm such a coward; I don't think I'm ready for this. 'Wait come here for a moment Akira-san" said Fuji, gesturing for me to sit down. I gave him an innocent questioning look. 'Make him think that you are still the happy person everyone knows.' My inner voice told me. Seeing that I wasn't going to sit down, he pulled out a piece of paper that made my breath get stuck in my throat. That was the piece of paper I put in the little blue box for counselling. "Umm, did you put this piece of paper in the box? Or Did Hisakawa-san prank you? This seems like something he would do …" Fuji trailed off, waiting for my answer. I made myself appear calm, but you do not know the panic going inside my mind. My heart seemed to almost jump out of my mouth. It hammered away in my chest. I'm not ready to tell him about my secret. I almost replied back "Hah. That Idiot Hisakawa kun is so going to get the biggest bashing off his life…" but completely against my usual character I closed the door quietly.

No more am I going to run away. It's time to face probably the biggest challenge in my life. I was so scared, I felt the walls I had put up tremble slightly. I'm not ready, but I'll just talk to him for now. "Make up your mind" my inner self went. I sat down, my hand sweating. "Well, I guessed I did" I said emotionlessly. Let's see how good Fuji is. I could see that he was definitely surprised, though he tried to hide it. Who would have guess that the cheerful Akira was sitting in a counselling room. "Umm okay," Fuji frowned as he shuffled his papers "Well, do you want to start off with telling me what's your problem?" He gave me his usual smile. Fuji always smiles, a bit like how I'm always happy. Odd. I fingered the bandage that covered my left arm. I can't unwrap it, something is stopping me. Is it fear, or am I ashamed? I smiled sadly, and laid head on the table. "Fuji fuji fujiko, how do I know I could trust you? What makes me think that you aren't going to blurt this out to the school, or that you'll blackmail me? Both me and my partner in crime Hisakawa kun respect your ability to influence people, tease and blackmail them." I shifted my head around to look at him. I laid there for a while, waiting for his answer. I watched him ponder whether to answer me or not. Finally he opened his eyes, this was the first time I saw them. They were a very pretty shade of blue, making me dismiss my theories that Fuji had no eyes. He propped his arm on the table and leaned his head on it. Staring of into space he started speaking,

"Akira-san, I've never told anyone this but." I sat up when he said this. Very interesting…I interrupted him "And so why tell me? People usually refrain from telling me things, because they're afraid I'll tease them about it. Are you sure about telling me?"

He looked at me with his blue eyes, and they seemed to control me, and I hated it. It felt like the multiple times when my parents would tell me what I can't do. This led into fights with them. I am myself, if I say that I don't want to follow their footsteps, that is my decision. I want to do what I want to do, not what they want me to become. My brother Akio who I really do care for, was what my father wanted his life to be. My dad married early because my mum was pregnant with my brother. He's now becoming a film director, which was what Dad wanted to be. I try to tell my dad that Akio doesn't want to be a film director, but doesn't say anything because his pride is too big. Then there's Mum, who keeps telling me not to marry early blah blah. Do I look like the girl to be all mushy and romantic? Ever since I could read, I've always skipped the happily ever after stories. There is no such thing as a prince charming. Even when I had a crush on someone, never have I allowed that influence my thinking. Never. I'm an independent Woman. I'd rather be a lonely cat lady than be tied down by a relationship.

"hmm yes, Your right I'm wrong. Happy much? Even I do draw lines as to when is appropriate to joke around. Now tell me your little secret…" I said the last part looking away; Fuji's eyes were pretty, but a bit creepy. "I like being right yes, but there was a time when I made the biggest mistake of my life" Fuji continued. I bit back a sharp retort of "What, did get someone pregnant?" Come on, once a joker always a joker! You can't blame me!

"I was silly at the time, I didn't realise the pain my younger brother Yuuta was going through. He was always over shadowed by my success. Around this area he wasn't known as Fuji Yuuta, but rather Fuji Shusuke's younger brother. He did not have his own name"

"Yeah, I know how that feels. I want more independence" I muttered, but I smiled and he continued "I only realised when it was too late, and I blamed myself. But also, if someone had just said something, just pointed it out, maybe things wouldn't have been so bad. Things are a bit strained now; Yuuta's moved out of the house and transferred schools. Somehow, I felt that if I could help someone, they wouldn't end up in a mess like I was." I suddenly felt so dumb; I never knew that Fuji had gone through this. He blames himself, but he stands up again and tries to solve the situation. What do I do? When I blame myself, I runaway and hurt myself to make me feel better. How pathetic. "Thank you Fuji for telling me this. It's quite personal, and you decided to share it with me. I fell, well, honoured. You're so brave, has any one told you that?" Fuji looked at me. "I don't think that I could ever have coped with that the way you did". Fuji closed his eyes and smiled. 'I probably would have hurt myself' I thought bitterly. "Let's both be happy now. Enough of this sadness. I guess our roles got reversed!"

"I guess you became the counsellor Akira-san" Fuji said thoughtfully.

"Akira chan's fine. You've let me know something important about your life, so call me Akira chan 'kay?" I said brightly, interrupting his thoughts.

"Akira, you still haven't told me why you came here…" commented Fuji, writing a few notes on a piece of paper with my name on it. I snatched the piece of paper away from him. "I was never here, fuji-san" I said smiling, whacking him on the head with the piece of paper.

"Umm, Akira. It's okay, you can *RIiiinnng*" the bell cut Fuji off.

"I'm so sorry Fuji, but I have to run. You can understand that the pizza at the Cafeteria is obviously more important than this little talk right? I'll see you same time next week?" I said standing up. Fuji stood up as well and tried to stop me. I ran through the door singing "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hand *clap, clap*." So my counsellor wouldn't have time to ask me more questions. I saw Fuji motioning to come back. I poked my tongue out at him, and happily skipped to the pizza waiting for me at the cafeteria. Next week, I will definitely have the courage.

Fuji's POV

I walked back to the desk and sat down. Today was weird. First of all, a girl came in with problems with her boyfriend. And even though I'm meant to help her as a counsellor in the school, I felt a bit awkward. Too much information, urhh. But the most surprising was Akira sa-Akira chan. She would be the last person to seek counselling. But today when I spoke to her, it seemed like she was on the verge of telling me what's wrong. I think I have to get her to trust me first. Even though Akira is quite well known around the school, and had a lot of friends. She didn't have any particularly close friends. I guess it's a bit hard when you're basically friends with everyone. I wonder who she goes to when she needs support? Hmm, wait, what if Akira just came here to ditch class? How could I be so dumb, Akira is really strong. She's always happy, calm, and never panics. When would she ever need counseling? For a genius, I'm pretty dumb. Sighing, I met Eiji outside the door.

"Fujiko, why didn't you tell me that there was pizza today? It's all gone now." whined Eiji, dragging me to the cafeteria. Even though I had just found out about it I replied "Because Eiji, I'm evil." I received a glare from the said boy. Smiling, I thought about how life was so wonderful.

I sat down, and saw the rest of the tennis team with pizza, while Eiji tried to pick the burnt pieces off his fish. Once every few singles, a glare would be shot in my direction. I myself had my lunch from home which I helped my sister make. It just meant that I could save money for the camera I really wanted. hmm, I could prob

"Fujiko, do you know where Akira-chan was at Maths?" chirped Eiji, cutting me out of me thoughts.

"Nope. Are you going to ask her out our something?" I teased Eiji. I couldn't tell Eiji the truth, because it was against the rules to tell anyone about the counselling session even though I felt she didn't exactly go there for the right reasons.

"WHAT!" he screamed, causing many people to stare at him. Before I knew it, the two evils, we would call it, Akira chan and Hisakawa san hovered by. Their eyes were intent on teasing Eiji about his outburst. Blah, they stole my job of being evil. I should ask them if I could join their little evil club. I searched Akira chan's eyes for any sign of sadness. None, but the pure happiness she had all the time, confirming my suspicion that Akira chan came to ditch her much hated subject of maths. I was about to tell her that I knew but she was faster. Once again she danced off singing a song dragging Hisakawa san with her this time. I caught a few lyrics of:

'Barney is a pedophile, in our imagination, he will come to stalk you home and leave you scarred for life." I smiled, Akira chan was quite creative. I wonder, are hisakawa san and Akira chan going out with each other? They seem quite close, because if they are, my lunchtimes will be filled with making their lives a horror. Mwuahaha.

Oh, I should stop being evil, my team is looking at me weirdly, because I've been smiling at the wall. "Is there anything you need" I said with fake innocence. Everyone ducks their head down and busies themselves with picking at their food, everyone except Tezuka and Inui that is. Tezuka sends a questioning glance at me, while Inui is muttering "Fuji stares at Akira…total of…11 seconds…" Everyone stars at me, sigh.

"Inui, do you really want me to tell them about your girlfriend? I mean, nothing is keeping me back from doing so…" Inui shudders and sees the look on our tennis teams looking at him with interest. Yes, they've forgotten about me! Tezuka on the other hand left the table for something geeky and smart to do in the library. I smile when Inui sends me a look of '_How did you find out about Michiko, my girlfriend?" _

I replied "Oh, I have my sources, Inui." The team crowds around him, with the same evil look on their face as the two evils have when they are about to tease someone. Lovely…

Author's note: Do you like it? Because of my reviews, and people adding me to their favourite and alert list I finished this in a day. I'm so tired:) Please tell me if it's good, criticism is good. Don't be afraid to tell me if it sucks, I want to get better at writing!


	3. Arcturus

Stars in the Darkest Nights

Hello everyone! Thanks you to Chillybean for reviewing, and all the other wonderful people who have read my story. Okay, let's get onto chapter 3!

Akira's POV

"Why the hell are you studying film at high school anyway? Your maths and literature scores suck, shouldn't you focus on them?" I said, watching my brother fiddle with a broken camera. "Akira you don't understand. My dad wants me to do this, and I can't fail him." snapped Akio, glaring at me with the same dark gold eyes as I had. "Akio, why do you always let dad control your life? Do you even want to be a film director?" I asked desperately, and Akio lowered his head.

"Akio, I don't want you to be wasting your life. I know that your dad's precious baby boy and that he spoils you, you shouldn't feel like you're his slave." I continued, and sat next to him on the old coach in the lounge. "Kiki. Even if I tried, I still feel like I need to start taking responsibility." My brother whispered sadly. "Why, I don't understand?" I asked him, confused.

"Kiki, I've always had more freedom than you. Mum and Dad always let me do what I want, but now I feel indebted to them. They've let me travel the world, go to all the parties my friends have invited me to. I feel that I have to make them proud, and so by living dad's dream, maybe…" Akio trailed off. I looked at my brother, trying to snap some sense into him. "Please Akio, why do want to waste your life doing something you hate? When you are the most talented cook the world has ever seen. You might even be the chief for the prime minister one day! So why Akio, why?" Akio looked at me lifelessly and in a hoarse whisper "Please leave me alone Akira, just go away…"

I stood up and went to find my dad, who was writing book reviews for the library. "Dad, why do keep telling Akio to be a film director? You know that he isn't interested…"

"Akira this isn't any business of what your brother wants to do. Being a cook isn't a real job. He'll get bored of it. I know what's best for him. Now stop worrying about your brother." Snapped my Dad. I felt so frustrated at him, but also at myself. Why can't I do something more. I can't bear seeing my brother, hating his job. We only have so little time to live. Unconsciously, I was clawing at my left hand. Horrified, I ran out the door.

It was disgusting what I did. But I was so angry. I can't let myself lose control, I made a deal with myself, and I'm not going to hurt myself anymore. But I could feel my nail clippers in my jumper, I need to distract myself. I tried to not think about how frustrated I was, but it didn't work. While running through the streets of my town, I saw a grassy muddy hill. Without thinking first I jumped. I slid down, gaining more speed as I rolled down. The mud covered my whole leg, and the grass stuck on to it. It hurt a bit where the stones dug into my shin, but I felt exhilarated. Before I knew it, I was laughing hysterically at my own craziness. I felt the same rush of endorphins as when I would hurt myself. Finally I stopped and realised that I should laugh whenever I'm really angry or sad. Smiling like an idiot I saw two small figures at the top of hill rushing toward me with a concerned look.

"Dudes, come join me on this awesome hill. It's like so intense, man." I yelled, trying to imitate a hippie, I sure felt like one. The world hadn't stopped spinning yet. "Akira-chan, are you okay?" asked Fuji when he reached me. I saw his friend, the captain of the tennis team following close behind him. They both had their tennis bags slung over their shoulders. "You know what, I've never ever felt any better!" I giggled. They both nodded their heads like as if I was insane, and I probably was. "Okay, umm, I'll ask you a simple question Akira-chan…" Fuji asked me, trailing of slightly, "Why?" my smile got frozen on my face at that point, but after years of half lying, I recovered quickly. "Have you ever had a moment of insanity? When you don't think before doing something crazy, you just sort of…I don't know. How do I explain this to you tennis lovers? Hmm, it's like when you make a dangerous dive for the ball. You know that you would hurt yourself, but after you've dived and hit the ball. Don't you just feel so happy for getting that point?" after I explained it like that, they seemed to understand it better.

I'm not sure; both of them hide their emotions so well, it's almost scary. Fuji with his smiling face, and the expressionless Tezuka. I lay down on the grass, feeling it squelch a bit. The sky was actually pretty, with its pink and orange clouds; it looked like a castle of fairies was somewhere deep in the clouds.

Fuji's POV

"So you think we can nationals this year, Tezuka?" I asked my best friend as we walked home after our Tennis practice. "As long as we don't let down our guard." came his reply, wow I was so surprised (!) (_Sarcastic_). I sighed and whining, I complained "Come on say something different, or you'll end up a lonely old man in the mountains. Girls don't like guys who sound like they are only able to say about five words. Unless they were "I love you my girl" " Sending a glare in my direction, he opened his mouth to say "Fuji, twen-"

"Hey, isn't that Akira-chan?" I cut him off. There was Akira-chan running straight for a steep hill, before I could tell her to slow down, she jumped and rolled down the hill. Dragging Tezuka with me to check on her, I found her laughing. What the hell? I knew that she was on the weirder side of things, but this is just insane. She spotted us and yelled out "Dude's, come join me on this awesome hill. It's like so intense, man" Wow, she was either dizzy, or was high on something. Rushing toward her, I could see that she was covered in mud. "Akira-chan, are you okay?" are worriedly asked her. Hey, it's not every day you see a girl purposely roll down a muddy hill. She explained to us why she did this ridiculous thing but something seemed a bit off. Akira-Chan lay down on the grass, and I saw scars all across her left arm. Tezuka whispered in my ear "I'll leave you to stare at your future girlfriend alone…" I tried whacking him, but he escaped and his eyes were taunting me. Bleh, who ever said that Tezuka doesn't take revenge is wrong.

I was curious about Akira's scars, but I wasn't sure if it was a sensitive topic. But first I need to tell her that I knew the truth. Sitting down next to her, I started, "Akira-chan, I know that you came to counselling yesterday to ditch class." At that moment she bolted up, her eyes widened slightly, and for the first time, Akira-chan stuttered "No Fuji-san, you you've go got it all wrong. I do have a pro-problem…" I looked at her confusingly. She looked so fragile and vulnerable at the moment. Contrary to the confident and happy person she was at school. She was like a whole new person. Grabbing my hand she whispered "Please, as my counsellor don't tell anyone about what I'm about to tell you. Not even the school!"

"Akira-chan, I can promise that I won't tell anyone. But if you're doing something that will harm your health like not eating, I would need to tell the school." I said gently, wondering what on earth had happened to Akira-chan. Her eyes hardened and gripped my hands tighter "NO, promise me that no matter what the situation, whatever I've done you will not tell anyone." The tone of her voice was similar as to when she would do speeches in front of the school. It wasn't threatening, but there was something that made you listen and nod your head in agreement. I hesitated, it was completely against the code I had as a counsellor.

But I looked at Akira-chan, and something inside of me felt the need to protect her. I viewed her in a different light, one where she needed someone to just listen to her, to shelter her from the harsh world. Because even though she put up a brave front, where she laughed and made jokes, somewhere inside of her she needed someone to make her truly happy. "Okay Akira-chan, but you do know that I could get into serious trouble if they found out that I didn't tell them about you doing something dangerous." I agreed, and she released my hands, and hesitantly touched the scars on her left hand. She took out the same bandage she wore yesterday to see me and fiddled with it. I realised that it might have something to do with her scars on her hand. Looking at them close, some of them were old, while other were probably just days old. There were a few scratches her and there that didn't look like it was from her roll down the hill. Gently, I touched them. "Do they hurt?" I asked her, my finger trailing on one of the longer ones. She shook her head, not meeting my gaze. As I examined it more, I saw how her nails were bitten short. Around her wrists, there were small little cuts. They looked like as if it was inflicted by a pair of scissors. It was also darker in some places, and they looked crescent shaped.

Suddenly it hit me and my eyes widened in surprise. Softly I asked Akira-chan "Akira-chan, do you hurt yourself?" She looked down and picked at the grass. "Yes" she quietly whispered, I barely heard it. It was very hard to take in, she just wasn't the type I would strike to be a self-injurer. One part of me was telling me to run straight to someone and tell them, but when I saw Akira-Chan knelt next to me, glaring at the grass I couldn't bring myself to it.

"Do you realise how ashamed I'm of this. You're the only one who knows about my disgusting habit." She sneered, pointing out every one of the scars. "This was from the day before yesterday; I lost control and cut myself. Everything was blamed on me once again. I didn't know what to do. " She showed the long cuts down her arm. The blood had clotted. "I bit myself there, that's how it started when I was ten. This has been happening for so long. When I hurt myself everything makes sense. I solution comes to my mind, and the situation blows down." She sighed and still avoided my eyes.

"It's okay. You're not alone. There are actually a lot of people who do this." She gave me a disbelieving look. "Well I for one don't cut myself. But trust me; you're not alone on this." Taking a breath in, she said softly. "I don't know Fuji san if what you've said is true. But I want to thank you for sitting her and not running away in disgust or fear. You're one of a kind." She finally met my eyes, and I could see that she was assessing if I was frightened or wanting to run away. She looked like a nervous stray cat, ready to bolt at any moment. I grasped her hand tighter, "It's okay Akira-Chan you can tell me anything. I'm here to help you." She looked up at the steadily darkening sky and we sat in silence for a few minutes. "Do you know how scared of my life I am? What if when I'm twenty or something and I lose control again and well, I end up in hospital?" she faded away and looked at me nervously through her shoulder length light yellow green hair.

"Do you think of that when you, umm" I cleared my throat. "When I hurt myself?" she finished my sentence for me. I nodded nervously. I hoped she didn't think that I was judging her.

"You see, I don't quite understand why I do this but let me tell you something. I don't need people's pity, I don't cut myself to show off and say 'hey look at me. I'm so weak'. You only realised my scars until today right?" I nodded in agreement. She continued "I don't think 'oh goody, imam kill myself' I'm definitely not suicidal. I value life too much and not just mine. When I hear about people who do suicide without thinking about the effect the have on others it's selfish. Also, they're just throwing their life away. Think about all those poor people in third world countries who would love a chance to live, when you just waste your life away. No, I'm not like that. I don't know what I'll be like, 6 years or so from now. When I cut myself, happiness is all I think about. I'm going to hurt myself doesn't flash across my mind instead it's "This will help me." And I love it for the first few minutes, but every time, I'll look back and regret every moment of it." I was lost in her words, she had definitely lived up to her name of being the best speaker in Seigaku junior high. "Hey are you listening?' she asked me a bit annoyed. "Yes, and that was very go-I'll let you continue." She smiled, and giggled.

"After all this seriousness, I think we need to be happy again!" she chirped, eyes shining. Just like the Akira everyone saw at school.

"Wait Akira-Chan! This is something serious, we need to talk more ab-" Cutting me off she shouted to me as she sprinted down the hill.

"oh pooo-hoo, there's plenty of time for that later!"

I Sprinted down to catch up with her, and she stopped suddenly, causing me to run pass her. "Akira-chan!" I shouted, smiling. She was an odd one.

Author's note:

You like? Well pretty please review! I know that you've been reading, so something small is encouraged. I don't have much confidence as a writer, so reviews keep me motivated to keep typing this story. So tell me if it's good, bad, or plain ugly. Thanks you awesome readers!


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